The Tigerstar and Hawkfrost show
by IceTheGamer
Summary: What happens when Tigerstar and Hawkfrost decide to put on a show? The messed up stuff in here. WARNING: MAY CAUSE EXTREME BRAIN CELL LOSS FOR THIS STORY IS A CRACKFIC.
1. Intro and the hidden sniper

**I'm back. And here's a crackfic. Have fun losing brain cells! BTW: This will probs be a oneshot**

Hawkfrost slipped into his chair. He wanted to look good for the show. Tigerstar slipped into his chair and nodded to the camera-cat, Thistleclaw, to start rolling.

"Hello and welcome to the Tigerstar and Hawkfrost show!" Tigerstar meowed. "Today, we have a special guest, Bluestar!" He yowled grinning evily.

Bluestar waltzed up onto the stage like nothin was up and she was in no danger.

"Wassup y'all?" Bluestar asked.

"We're fine, thanks." Hawkfrost replied curtly. "Now, how about you tell us about how it felt to be betrayed by Tigerstar?"

"Horrible!" Bluestar meowed. "It totally crushed me! I trusted him, and he betrayed me!" While she continued going on and on about Tigerstar being a horrible person, Hawkfrost nodded to Darkstripe, who was holding a Barret 50cal. about 100 yards away.

"Well, that's all nice." Tigerstar meowed. "But you'll have to go back to StarClan now!"

"Fine!" Bluestar meowed as she stormed out of the studio.

"Drop her." Hawkfrost ordered Darkstripe via a walkie-talkie.

"Yes sir." Darkstripe replied. There was a bang, then a shriek that was cut off abruptly.

"Well done Darkstripe." Tigerstar praised his former Clanmate, walking back in to the room like nothing has happened. "Bluestar has now faded permanently. And let's drop them like that every time they come into the room."


	2. Mapleshade cooks!

**Here's another chapter of the Tigerstar and Hawkfrost show! (Which features other Dark Forest cats killing people!)**

Hawkfrost was pacing backstage. He hoped that the plan would work.

"And that folks, is how you make a perfect StarClan cat pizza." Mapleshade was finishing on her show, the cooking with Mapleshade show, which featured butchering random StarClan cats.

"Mapleshade? Are you ready?" Hawkfrost asked. "I need out there with the AK-47s along with Thistleclaw in two minutes."

"One minute Hawkiebaby." Mapleshade meowed." You need to chill out."

"Please don't call me that." Hawkfrost meowed.

"But that's what mates do, right?" Mapleshade asked, winking at him. Effectively, he had become mates with Mapleshade recently, just to show his dad how cool he was.

"Okay, Maplekins." Hawkfrost replied." But I still need you on those AK-47s."

"I'm going now." Mapleshade replied, clearly annoyed by her mate's fussing.

Hawkfrost put on some cool shades and slipped on to stage, followed by his father, Tigerstar.

"Welcome to the Hawkfrost and Tigerstar show!" Tigerstar yowled, waving two books in the air. "Today we'll have our cats review two books. The first, A guided tour of the Dark Forest, by our oldest resident, One-eye!"

"I'm not that old you piece of ****!" A voice yowled in the background.

"Shut the hell up One-eye!" Tigerstar yowled. "And now for our second book, a guided tour of StarClan, by Spottedleaf. We've invited Spottedleaf to join us on the show today!" Tigerstar meowed as a beautiful dappled she-cat walked onto stage.

"Hi everyone!" Spottedleaf shouted, acting just like Bluestar had last episode.

"So today, Brokenstar will share his opinion on the books with us." Hawkfrost announced. "So, Brokenstar, what are your thought about, "A guided tour of StarClan"?"

"it's the crappiest book ever!" Brokenstar shouted as he walked onto stage. "I don't recommend it! All it talks about is StarClan! It's really boring!"

"And your thoughts on a guided tour of the Dark Forest?"

"BEST. BOOK. EVER!" Brokenstar screeched, sounding like a girl at the mall. "It only talks about the Dark Forest, the best place ever! And it gives you personal info on all the cats!"

"So, let's do a vote! Whoever thinks Spottedleaf's book is better, lift your hand and whoever thinks One-eye's book is better, don't raise your hand!"

No one raised their hand.

"Well Spottedleaf, you lost the vote, and do you know what happens when people lose a vote on our show?"

"No." Spottedleaf replied, suddenly looking scared

Hawkfrost grabbed his walkie-talkie. "Drop her like the beat." He meowed. There where multiple bangs, and then he saw Spottedleaf. She was dead as could be.

"That's disgusting." Tigerstar meowed, well, in disgust.

"I agree." Hawkfrost meowed. "So, who are we dropping next?"

"Firestar." Tigerstar replied. "And then... well, I don't know who we'll do next, we'll do some cat!

 **Hope y'alls enjoyed! See you guys next episode of the Tigerstar and Hawkfrost show! Review of you liked!**


	3. WHO DO YOU WANNA KILL?

**Okay, so I'm going to be making a 'BEATDOWN' list for you guys. So I got a review suggesting that I do this. So I thank the guest, Snowfrost of Windclan for posting this review.**

 **BEATDOWNLIST:**

 **1-Firestar**

 **2- Leafpool**

 **3- Dovewing**

 **4- Sunstar**

 **5- Pinestar**

 **6- Moonflower**

 **Review if you want more cats to appear on this list! I can make the same character die twice. (EX: Bluestar and Spottedleaf) So ya! Enjoy!**


	4. The four go down

**So here's another episode of the Tigerstar and Hawkfrost show!**

 **P.S: There will be another 'guest' this episode**

Hawkfrost paced around. He was anxious. Firestar was coming on today's show and Antpelt, who was in charge of shipping, forgot to get more space on the camera and he wanted the Clans to see Firestar die. Suddenly, his phone started ringing.

"Hello?" He meowed as he picked up

"Hello, may I speak to Hawkfrost or Tigerstar? I have a... proposition for them." The voice answered.

"This _is_ Hawkfrost." Hawkfrost replied. "To whom am I speaking to?"

"Scourge." The voice replied. "And I have an offer you can't turn down. I currently have about a bazillion dollars laying around and I wanted to become your financer. I can also hire a team of hitmen to assist your killers in their work. I can also give you a better shipping cat and more space in your studio. My workers are trained professionals. On top of that, I can give you all complementary suite dens and multiple iPhone 7's. Because I know you're using a flip phone."

"How do you know that?" Hawkfrost asked, suspicion coming into his tone.

"Because I'm at the door with my team and the money." Scourge replied. "Turn around."

Hawkfrost did a 180° jump and ran to the door. Scourge was waiting there in a very expensive looking tuxedo with about 50 cats behind him, some with building materials, some with money and some with guns.

Hawkfrost smiled. "You're hired." Two minutes later, he signed a contract with a very very VERY happy Tigerstar. Another two minutes later, all the Dark Forest cats had suite dens and iPhone 7's and Hawkfrost and Tigerstar had a very nice studio. Thistleclaw, who was the camera-cat, had his own leather seat with a drink holder and an automatic popcorn dispenser. Hawkfrost grabbed a Mountain Dew from the pop dispenser and went onto set, Tigerstar following him with a Root Beer Float. Thistleclaw gave him the signal.

"Hello people and welcome back to the Tigerstar and Hawkfrost show!" Hawkfrost shouted. "Today, we'll be asking question to the four cats that played part in the prophecy that destroyed us all! Please welcome, Firestar, Dovewing, Jayfeather and Lionblaze!"

The four cats waltzed up onto the stage, completely unaware that about 15 M16s where pointed at them.

"Thank you for inviting us!" Lionblaze meowed. "We really appreciate it! Now we get to brag about our powers!"

"I'm going first!" Jayfeather squealed like a kit. "I can see in people's dream's! And I can travel time!"

A bunch of fake 'ohhhhs' and 'ahhhs' players from the speakers.

"So, how does it feel like to play part in two prophecies Firestar?" Tigerstar asked.

"Great!" The ginger tom meowed. "I feel so special!"

"My turn now!" Lionblaze meowed. "I can't be defeated in battle!"

"And cue the fakes." Hawkfrost meowed on his earpiece. He had ditched his walkie-talkie after Scourge had come in with the money.

"Now, my turn!" Dovewing meowed. "I can see and hear things super far away!"

More fakes.

"Drop em like flies boys." Hawkfrost meowed in his earpiece.

"Roger that boss." Brokenstar meowed on the other end of the line. Even though he was blind, he could still shoot. A bunch of bangs sounded in the air. And then there where four dead cats on the floor. Lionblaze, Jayfeather, Dovewing and Firestar where no more.

"Who's next boss?" Brokenstar asked over the earpiece line.

"My father." Tigerstar replied. "The 'mighty' Pinestar."

 **Hope you guys enjoyed that! Review if you liked and want to add any cats to the BEATDOWN list!**

 **Icestar17**

 **BEATDOWN LIST:**

 **Next up: Pinestar**

 **Others:**

 **Leafpool**

 **Sunstar**

 **Moonflower**


	5. Tigerstar rages

**Here's another episode! Hope you guys enjoy!**

Hawkfrost was pacing. A teensy weensy problem had come up. All the cats they had dropped where back in StarClan, a pressing charges against their show for catslaughter and putting G on the rating instead of PG-13. Luckily, Scourge was getting them out but StarClan's army was coming for them. The Dark Forest cats where currently building a fortress under Mapleshade's orders, but Hawkfrost was worried. Pinestar was leading the attack and he was the next person they wanted to drop. Plus, he was Tigerstar's dad, and Hawkfrost did _not_ want to see Tigerstar go ragemode on Pinestar. Darkstripe, the camera-cat beckoned him to tell him to tell him that they where ready to roll. Hawkfrost slipped onto stage and put on a war helmet and paint.

"Breaking news from DF news." Hawkfrost meowed. "Tigerstar is going ragemode on the StarClan army. Let's find out more." Hawkfrost whipped out his phone and put it in the drone controller. "We are currently piloting the news drone, given to us by our sponsors, BC Inc. We are currently zooming in on Tigerstar raging. Here he is."

"DIE *******!" Tigerstar was shouting, while mounting a bazooka. "YOU THINK YOU CAN ******* MESS WITH THE ******* DARK FOREST! ITS THE ************* DARK FOREST FOR ****'S SAKE! SO EAT MY SHINY METAL ROCKET YOU *******!" He yowled as he fired the bazooka and it exploded right in Sunstar's face. He was vaporised instantly.

"THAT WAS MU DEPUTY YOU VILE, MAGGOT-RIDDEN FLEA-PELT!" Pinestar yowled angrily, unsheathing his claws. "YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!"

"HA!" Tigerstar meowed. "YOU HAVE CLAWS! I HAVE A ******* BAZOOKA ************! AND A FORCEFEILD AROUND MY FORTRESS! BEAT THAT ******! I ALSO HAVE MULTIPLE FUTURISTIC WEAPONS THAT I WILL KILL YOU WITH!" He yowled as he whipped out a laser cannon. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" He yelled as the laser went flying into Pinestar's face. Another leader vaporised.

"SONNY!" A voice howled. "WHY HAVE YOU KILLED YOUR FATHER!?"

"And that would be Leopardfoot." Hawkfrost meowed on a voice-over

"BECAUSE HE BECAME A ******* KITTYPET FOR ****'S SAKE! A ******* KITTYPET! HE DERSEVED TO DIE! AND SO DO YOU!" Tigerstar meowed as he prepared to fire another shot.

"NO!" Leopardfoot whimpered. "We surrender." She meowed as she went over to the border with head down and tail dropping. The screen switched back to the studio.

"Well, that was live footage of the StarClan invasion." Hawkfrost meowed. "See all you viewers next episode!"

"CUT!" Thistleclaw, the current director yowled." Good job Hawkfrost. Go see Mapleshade. She has your reward. You get an update to IOS 11 on your phone."

"Good." Hawkfrost grunted as he slipped off the stage. He already had something planned for next episode...

 **Ohhh cliffhanger! I love doing that! Anyway, hope you guys enjoy! Here's the beatdown list!**

 **BEATDOWN LIST:**

 **Well, there's only Moonflower left. SO THAT MEANS YOU NEED TO PUT MORE ******* CATS ON THAT LIST! Wow. I just pulled a Tigerstar for there. Anyway, pls put ore cats on! Review if you like!**


	6. How to scare Tigerstar and a new OC

**So I'd like to thank the guest Snowfrost of WindClan fro giving me the first bit of this chapter and her OC! Review if you wanna add cats to the BEATDOWN list and if you liked!**

Hawkfrost sat, bored. They had pretty much nothing to do, for no Starclan cats wanted to be 'beat down' and were not willing to come in for interviews.

"Hello! Is this where new Dark Forest cats go?" a female voice mewed. Hawkfrost got up and looked. He saw a lovely gray she-cat with white ears, muzzle, tip of tail, and paws walk in. Her deep blue eyes had a touch of insanity in them.

"Hello, what can I do for you?" Hawkfrost said.

The she-cat smiled and said "My name is Snowfrost! I was the one who was sending those cats to be killed because I am a BIG fan of your show and I got banished here! Can I help in anyway?'

Hawkfrost said "Well, I suppose you can keep tricking cats to be killed... Yes! We are hiring you to help trick the Starclan cats. Just sign here here here here here here and here. Your salary is 36 gigs of data on your complementary iPhone7 per month, a presonal butler and a limo driven by that personal butler. And before you ask, we can afford everything. Just look at Darkstripe. He has twenty lambos and two mansions."

Snowfrost grinned and purred "That sounds wonderful! Also, can I help Mapleshade with cooking? That's another one I like! Well, thank you! I'll get started on my plans right away!"

Snowfrost walked out of the room and Hawkfrost grinned. A new cat was first, he need to somehow tell Tigerstar about their new 'partner'. Well, it was obvious how to do it. Just waltz into his room. So that's exactly what he planned on doing. But when he got there, his plans where confronted with a new problem. There where some _really really REALLY_ weird sounds coming from Tigerstar's room, like screams and booooooos from a ghost. So Hawkfrost waltzed in anyways. He found his dad curled up in a corner shrieking like a girl and crying for his mommy.

"Really?" Hawkfrost meowed "This is a fat load of mouse dung. Get your butt up here and come meet the new girl. She's kinda insane, but whatever."

Tigerstar got up and whispered,"D-d-does s-h-he ha-have any-an-anything t-to d-d-do wi-with g-g-ghosts?"

"Boo!" Hawkfrost meowed suddenly

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Tigerstar screamed, jumping into the air

"Gotcha!" Hawkfrost meowed triumphantly

Tigerstar gave him the finger

"Whatever, let's go see the new girl." Hawkfrost meowed. They found her juggling flaming spears with two tacos in her mouth on an island sourrounded by piranhas. Snowfrost nodded nonchalantly and dropped the spears, impaling seven piranhas and are her tacos.

"Hi!" She meowed, the excitement of her previous activity still visible in her eyes. "Thanks for that limo! But the butler died getting me across. Pity, I was getting used to him."

"Good." Hawkfrost meowed,"Snowfrost, this is my father and other co-producer of the show, Tigerstar!"

"Hiya mister Tigerstar!" Snowfrost mowed, "I _loved_ the way you went ragemode on Sunstar and Pinestar. It was so _à la mode_."

"T-thank you." Tigerstar meowed.

"Boo!" Hawkfrost meowed again

"FOR ****'S SAKE STOP ******* DOING THAT YOU ************!" Tigerstat yowled. "IMMA **** YOU OVER YOU ************!" As he started to run after Hawkfrost.

Hawkfrost took out his hidden phone, which had been filming the whole time, and said "That folks, is how you anger Tigerstar. Next up, cooking with Mapleshade, along with her new sous-chef, Snowfrost!" He hit the pause button and uploaded it to the show. Then he took a selfie and posted it on Instagram and tagged it #Imgettingchasedbyacrasylunaticsomeonehelpme!


	7. Trivia with deathberries!

Hawkfrost grinned. All was ready for today's show.

"Yellowfang is here" Snowfrost meowed, padding up to him.

"Good." Hawkfrost meowed, slipping onto the stage.

"Ladies and gentletoms!" Tigerstar meowed, "Today is the trivia addition of the Tigerstar and Hawkfrost show! Today we are testing Yellowfang against Brokenstar!"

The two mentionned cats walked onto stage.

"Today, we'll be testing the medicl knowledge of the two contestants!" Tigerstar meowed, "Begin!"

"What is Bindweed used for?" Hawkfrost asked

"Mending broken legs." Yellowfang replied

"What is juniper used for?" Hawkfrost asked.

"Sore bellies and giving strength." Yellowfang answered.

...

"Question 666 and final question." Hawkfrost meowed exhausted. "What do you use deathberries for?"

"Killing cats, like you did me" Brokenstar replied, glaring at Yellowfang. Suddenly, thedark brown tabby tom leapt at Yellowfang, and held her mouth open. Darkstripe padded over and shoved deathberries into her throat. Yellowfang convulsed and died

The end

 **Sorry for the short chapter. I'm laking inspiration.**


	8. Brambles gets dropped

**SORRY FOR DYING LIKE THAT MY LIFE TOOK A TURN FOR THE WORST BUT NOW I'M BACK**

Hawkfrost was polishing his gun, ready to have some fun. The gun in question was a vintage 1806 enbony wood flintlock pistol, inlaid wit gold.

Tigerstar burst into his den. "Get your butt onto stage you lazy runt before I kick it with a laser canon."

Scourge was just standing there eerily

"Fine." Hawkfrost grumbled, getting out of his suite den. He stored his pistol in it's holster before walking onto stage. "Hello everyone!" He said cheerfully, sliding into his chair and putting cool shades on. "Today,we have a special guest. He's a living cat. His name; Bramblestar, leader of ThunderClan!" He smiled

Bramblestar slipped onto stage. "Hey bro." He said. "Hey dad." He smiled

"Hello son." Tigerstar said. "Today we have a couple of questions for you."

"Then ask away." Bramblestar said, taking his seat

"Is Squirelflight the only cat you ever loved?" Hawkfrost asked

"Yeah." Bramblestar nodded

"Is that so?" Tigerstar asked, because I found this list, entitled "SHE-CATS I'VE ******!"

Bramblestar paled. "That's not mine, that's Ashfur's. Everyone knew he was a huge perv."

"Then was does it say Bramblestar at the bottom?" Hawkfrsot smirked

"HE'S FRAMED ME!" Bramblestar gasped, running off stage.

"We got a runner." Hawkfrost meowed into his earpiece

"Roger that baby." Maple shade said, activating a grid

Hawkfrost got into Tron at our and got into one of those lit motorcycles before going after Bramblestar, a blood red line trailing behind hin. He grabbed his Tron gun and aimed for Bramblestar's head and fired.

The former dropped dead in the middle of the grid.

Hawkfrost pulled up right next to him. "Runner neutrazlied." He said to the drone, who was being flown by Tigerstar

"And next up is Cooking with Mapleshade and Snowlight!" Tiger star said happily

"AND CUT!" Thistleclaw yowled

 **Don't forget to review if you liked and submit cats for me to kill!**

 **I'll try to update this daily!**


	9. Cat duel

Hawkfrost was sharpening his vintage 16th century sword as Scourge barged in. "What do you want?" He asked, looking up from his grinding wheel

"Longtail has challenged you a sword duel." Scourge said. "Apparently, he's StarClan's fencing champion."

"Let him try." Hawkfrost grinned darkly. He stopped sharpening his sword and did barrel roll before cutting cutting a dummy's head off

Scourge smirked and walked off

Hawkfrost put on barbarian armour and smeared blood all over himself. He put a skull on as a helmet and walked to where Longtail was

"En garde!" Longtail said, pulling out a skinny sword

Hawkfrost looked unimpressed. He pulled out his 7 foot long claymore sword. "DIE!" He yowled, charging at him like William Wallace

Longtail dived to the side, but wasn't fast enough. Or his tail was to long. Anyways, half his tail got chopped off as a result of sloppy skills. He grunted and tried stabbing Hawkfrost.

Hawkfost whirled out of the way, slashing at him madly.

Longtail then cheated and pulled out a gun and shot the claymore into a gazillion little peices

"That was my vintage sword." Hawkfrost said, trembling with rage. "And you destroyed it." He said, looking at Longtail. A fierce hatred burned in his blue eyes

"Oh ****!" Longtail said, bolting off

"DIE!" Hawkfrost yowled, chasing after him as he mounted a laser cannon onto his back. He began shooting butat Longtail

Longtail deeked the bullets, feeling proud. But then a bullet lodged in his chest as he dropped dead. About 20 feet ahead of the pale cat, Hawkfrost spotted Darkstripe with a automatic rifle. He smiled

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Review if you liked!**


	10. The obstacle course of doom

**Here is another chapter! Hope you guys enjoy!**

Hawkfrost was getting the show ready for the ten episode special. Yes, that was a thing. He walked onto stage, wearing his suit and tie. He glanced at his father. Tigerstar nodded. He nodded at Bone to started the camera

"Hello everyone, and welcome to the 10 episode special!" Hawkfrost grinned. "Today we'll be inventing some special guests. Everyone give it up for the leaders who made the great journey! Please welcome Tallstar, Leopardstar, Firestar and Blackstar!" He said

The mentioned four strolled into stage

Firestar looked around. "What are we doing Today?" He asked

"Today, you'll be doing an obstacle course!" Tigerstar announced

Leopardstar nodded enthusiastically. "What's in it?" She asked

"First, you have to cross the Haunted Hallway. Then, you have to jump across the Pit of Doom. Then you swim across a river and finally, you run across a field." Tigerstar said, smirking

"Sounds easy." Tallstar said

"First up, Blackstar!" Tigerstar grinned

Blackstar nodded and placed himself at the starting line. "Ready, set, go!" Tigerstar said, starting his timer. A drone strayed following him. Blackstar arrived at the Haunted Hallway. "No way I can lose to this! I'm from ShadowClan!" He said, entering the hall. He had barely taken two steps when axes started coming of the spaces between the floorboards and walls. Blackstar managed to dodge them, but he got hit by one. Then, a dart shooter shot a poisoned dart towards the white tom. It hit him in his shoulder. Blackstar hissed. But the sound was cut off as an axe sliced him in half.

"And that's the end of Blackstar." Tigerstar winced. "Next up, Tallstar!"

Tallstar gulped but positioned himself at the starting line.

"Go!" Tigerstar said, launching a drone after him.

The black and white tom arrived at the hallway. He looked around and spotted multiple tripwires. He smirked. This was going to be easy. He stepped over the tripwires, glancing at the door out of the hallway. He stepped around the wire, until his paw landed on a floorboard. Instantly, the darts started flying out of the machine. Tall star ducked and managed to crawl his way to the exit. He pushed the door open, smiling. The smile faded when he saw the Pit of Doom though. It was an impossibly deep pit with lava at the bottom. He gulped. The pillars that he was supposed to use to cross we'rent very stable. He hopped onto one. Suddenly, spears started shooting out of the top portion of the wall as the pillars lowered. Tallstar leapt from the strating pillar to the next in an effort to dodge the spears. Whoever, in mid-jump he was impaled by a spear. He plummeted into the lava and landed with a _plop_

"Ouch." Hawkfrost winced, watching the lava burn the body to a crisp. "Anyways, next up is Leopardstar!"

Leopardstar positioned herself at the starting line. She seemed un phased by her fellow leader's deaths as she bolted towards the hallway. She tried to spot the tripwires. After a bit, she managed to pinpoint where they where. She carefully avoided them. She then skipped over the board that triggered the dart machine and walked out of the hallway. She arrived at the pit, thinking hard. She then gracefully leaped onto the second pillar, skipping the starting one. To her satisfaction, the pillars didn't lower. She hopped from pillar to pillar until she arrived at the other side of the pit. She bolted towards the river, smiling. It was barely deep enough to swim in and there was no current. She hopped in. Instantly, her flesh began burning. The river was an acid river. Within seconds, the last of her bones disintegrated .

"Welp." Tigerstar said. "And last but not least, Firestar!"

Firestar grunted as he made his way to the starting point. He raced towards the hallway, breezing through the blades and darts in moments. He had learned from his commarades' mistakes, and he was determined to go back home alive. He arrived at the pit, grinning. He copied Leopardstar's strategy, skipping the first pillar and leaping across the pit. He arrived at the acid river, thinking. He then spotted a couple of stones, probably bedrock, and grinned. He hopped along the stones, smiling. He raced towards field he had to cross to win. He didn't notice any abnormalities as he ran across it. He didn't have time to see the missile hurtling towards him form the sky. He was blown into smitherines

"And that's it for today's show folks!" Tigerstar said. "That was the ten episode special!"

 **So I've decided that every ten chapters, I'll make an extra long chapter just for you guys!**

 **Review if you liked and tell me if they're is anyone you want me to kill!**


End file.
